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When the Flames Go Up is a blog written by two former spouses, Magda Pecsenye of and Doug French of We decided to write this blog because when we were getting divorced, we couldn’t find anyone writing about divorce and co-parenting that wasn’t either legal, logistical, or filled with rage. We’re hoping those of you that are going on this same painful journey find it helpful to see that you’re not alone.

We intend this blog to be about process. It won’t be an airing of grievances, but we’re not going to be shiny and new all the time. Divorce sucks. Co-parenting is hard.

We were married for 9 1/2 years, if you count the last two that it took from the time we started the divorce process until we got the final decree in November 2008. We lived in New York City for years, and we moved to Ann Arbor, MI, in 2011 to help make an easier life for our two-household family. We have two tweenaged sons, R and T. We don’t have a whole lot in common, but we love our boys.

You can follow us individually at Twitter: Magda is at, and Doug is at

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