Trying to bring the room back up a little
I can’t even think of another metaphor for how this negotiation is making me feel. Oh, wait. Here’s one from Fantastic Mr. Fox: “a wet sandwich.” Yes, I feel like a wet sandwich.
But a triumphant wet sandwich. LOD and I ended up with a doozy of a scheduling problem that involved needing the kind of childcare there is no way we could a) find, or b) afford, here in NYC. So I came up with a solution that is slightly insane but is going to solve our problem this time. It hinges on our mutual willingness to ignore something many parents are very into.
One of the things that’s been so shocking to me about being divorced is realizing how extremely few things LOD and I both care about. When we met and got married it was like, “You like dark chocolate?? I like dark chocolate, too!” But now that we’re not trying to hold something together that never really was even together, the fact that our priorities are so different in so many areas that come into play on a daily basis has become obvious. And a little sad for me.
So it’s kind of a joy to realize that while we don’t care about many things in common, we seem to Not Care about many of the same things. You’d think that wouldn’t be important, but anyone who’s been a parent for more than 10 minutes knows that it’s as much about what you don’t prioritize as what you do prioritize. So even though we struggle with a lot, at least there are things we can just both say “meh” to and move on from. And sometimes that can be the key to finding solutions to things that look like enormous problems.