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The conversation itself wasn’t even that interesting

November 1, 2010

The other day, after a meeting at the kids’ school, LOD asked me if I had a few minutes and he could buy me a cup of coffee to talk about some stuff. I said yes, so after the meeting we went and got coffee.

I ordered mine with soy milk, and he ordered his black. Then, as we were walking out to the bench, he stopped at the fixings bar and got a packet of sugar and put it in his coffee. I was stunned.

“You put sugar in your coffee?” I asked, incredulous.

“Yeah. At home I make simple syrup and keep it in the refrigerator because it dissolves better than sugar,” someone in LOD’s body replied.

I was gobsmacked. First, that he takes sugar in his coffee. Back when we were married, it was his badge of honor that he drank it black. But I was even more surprised that something so essential as a coffee order could shift so radically. From black to sweet. Makes no sense. But my order has changed, too. I used to drink it with half-and-half and sugar, and now I drink it with soy milk. (I don’t even like soy milk, but the deli near my office has some freaky kind of magic that makes their coffee with soy milk taste even better than coffee with half-and-half, which is technically impossible.)

If you can change your coffee order, then what else can you change? The possibilities seem almost endless.

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2010 12:44 pm

    I find that oddly comforting. I guess because, the older I get, the more I wonder if anyone changes at all. In a way that’s stupid, I know that I myself have changed significantly in some ways, but it feels like the things that make me “me” are about the same as they’ve always been.

    Ha! I make no sense! I hope someone else gets what I mean.

  2. November 1, 2010 1:30 pm

    @L, I know exactly what you mean. I was just thinking today that the things “I like” are things I think of as a treat, kind of — lighting candles, drinking tea, soft music … But in reality (and because I’m a SAHM) those things are everyday elements of who I am. I light a candle, drink tea and play soft music all day, every day. The basic things I like haven’t changed in years. If I end up a doddering old lady alone in a cat-filled house somewhere, I’ll still be drinking tea, listening to ambient music and sniffing candles. And eating macaroni & cheese. These are the concrete examples, but you know what I mean … I know what YOU mean!

    • November 1, 2010 2:12 pm

      Hee! Thank goodness someone does!

  3. November 1, 2010 1:55 pm

    I’m going through a lot of that right now: “If X can change then what about Y, Z and A?”

    It’s disconcerting and liberating all at the same time!

  4. tanya permalink
    November 2, 2010 8:59 am

    I want to know more about the soy milk in coffee magic. I’m a die hard half n half drinker myself.

    btw– I enjoy this blog. DH and I have teetered on the brink of divorce for awhile now. We are getting ready to try One More Thing before we call it quits. I read your blog with the fantasy that we could co-parent post-divorce but DH seems unlikely to want to be cooperative.

    Well, maybe the One More Thing will work and we won’t need to worry about that.

    • askmoxie permalink*
      November 2, 2010 2:29 pm

      Tanya, I have no idea, but it’s somehow smoother and richer-tasting than half-and-half. Weird. I may see if Big Tiny the counter guy will tell me his secret.

      And good luck with One More Thing.

  5. the milliner permalink
    November 2, 2010 10:05 am

    I’m with L and Mrs.Haley in that I find it oddly comforting that we can change after doing something one way for a long time. Of course, you always hope it will be good changes, or interesting changes. But the fact that you aren’t locked in to some 30-year-old version of yourself (or younger – eek!) is very liberating. And exciting.

    I’m going to try and remember this while I’m feeling like I’ve been locked in to my job which I used to love and has slowly been deteriorating over the past 3 years. I can change. I can improved my situation. Worth remembering.

    And for the record: Iced latte, I make at home with a Moka and simple syrup. Simple syrup really is the saving grace for coffee – no sugar pools at the bottom of your cup!

    • askmoxie permalink*
      November 2, 2010 2:30 pm

      I love simple syrup in cafe com laite. But one of my favorite things about an iced coffee is using turbinado sugar and having the grit at the bottom. Weird, no?

      Also, I’ve always thought you were a professional hat maker, and can’t imagine not liking that forever.

  6. the milliner permalink
    November 2, 2010 10:07 am

    I can _improve_ my situation (and my typing skillz). Argh.

  7. nancy permalink
    November 2, 2010 2:14 pm

    It seems to me we think we know our spouse (in my case ex-spouse) SO WELL that they will never change. But in fact they can, and likely will. Which makes us realize the reasons we break up may be mutable, like for me, my ex was a crappy father, but has turned into a better one since the divorce. Which is what I wanted, after all. Still there are so many other reasons we divorced that has not yet changed.

  8. November 4, 2010 3:26 pm

    I feel like sometimes we get stuck in a rut with who we “are” and when a significant change (oh, say like a divorce) happens that change prompts all kinds of other changes. Many of the reasons my ex and I divorced years ago were about who we were and how we couldn’t change to be the person the other wanted us to be. Now, many years after our divorce, it’s funny to look back and see how much we both have changed since then. The divorce was a good decision for us both and happily we have been able to be mature and responsible when it comes to parenting our daughter, but it is interesting to contemplate why neither of us was willing to change when something so important was on the line.

  9. November 7, 2010 8:43 am

    I believe the divorce process changes everyone to some degree. It forces you to take a good look at yourself, re-evaluate and tweak where needed.

    Though… for all of my ex’s changing, some things will forever be the same. Like his vow to me last week to lose weight and start exercising on Monday.

    It’s the same broken record I’ve heard for 15 years.

  10. November 9, 2010 7:39 am

    I wonder if those little things change easier post-divorce because you’re no longer living in a relationship with someone who knows you as a certain way or against whom you define yourself.

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